Terms and Conditions

1. Corporate Sovereignty

This Site and all its intellectual, unintellectual, and metaphysical contents are the exclusive property of
Paddy2021 LLC,
30 N Gould St, Sheridan, Wyoming 82801, USA,
acting through its wholly-owned Irish operating entity Gombeeni’s of Ballymagaleen (a trading name of local repute and limited liability).

Paddy2021 LLC reserves the right to amend, revoke, rewrite, or merely improvise these Terms at any time without notice, consultation, or contrition. Continued use of this Site constitutes binding and eternal acceptance.

2. Nature of the Goods

All products—whether edible, devotional, or decorative—are described with approximate sincerity.
Images are for illustration only; sausages, relics, and rosaries may vary in appearance, sanctity, or weight.
Paddy2021 LLC disclaims responsibility for aesthetic disappointment or theological confusion.

3. Ordering & Payment

All prices are denominated in Euro unless you insist otherwise.
Payment is due at checkout via reputable card processor, electronic transfer, or other civilised means.
MagadhCoin may be accepted at the prevailing rate of instability.
Barter in hens, gossip, or indulgences will be considered on a case-by-case basis.

All transactions are processed securely, and Sergeant Bod Gombeeni undertakes random inspections when bored.

4. Delivery

We deliver virtually anywhere the postal system, a sympathetic courier, or a contraband boat can reach.
Delivery times are approximate, depending upon weather, divine favour, and Faighne’s mood.
Paddy2021 LLC accepts no responsibility for delays occasioned by customs, Acts of God, or Acts of Mrs Gombeeni.

5. Limitation of Liability

To the fullest extent permitted by international law, Paddy2021 LLC accepts no liability for:

Misuse of goods, ritual or domestic;
Emotional or metaphysical injury caused by our products, staff, or humour;
Delays resulting from strikes, storms, saints’ days, or sloth.

Nothing herein shall exclude liability for death, personal injury, or catastrophic enlightenment arising from our negligence or yours.

6. Intellectual Property & Copyright

All text, images, and implied wit on this Site are the intellectual property of Paddy2021 LLC.

Unauthorised reproduction, republication, or adaptation—by photocopy, screenshot, séance, or song—will result in consequences commensurate with:

Those faced by the Israelis who apprehended Eichmann;
The conditions depicted in Turkish prisons (see Midnight Express); and
A cease-and-desist drafted in exquisite detail by our Japanese-Israeli solicitors, Sosueme, Gofuku & Partners.

7. Governing Law & Jurisdiction

These Terms are governed by:

The Laws of the United States of America (State of Wyoming);
The Statutes of the Republic of Ireland; and
The unwritten customs of Ballymagaleen, as interpreted by its Parish Council after closing time.

Disputes shall be resolved in whichever jurisdiction most inconveniences the complainant.

8. Severability

If any provision herein is found unenforceable, unintelligible, or heretical, the remainder shall remain valid. The defective clause shall be replaced by one equally binding and twice as absurd.

9. Contact & Complaints

All correspondence, queries, and complaints (in writing, Latin, or lamentation) should be addressed to:
service@ballymagaleen.shop

Return and Refund Policy

(Issued under the Sovereign Seal of Paddy2021 LLC, Sheridan, Wyoming — for tax-avoidance purposes only)

Effective Date: From the dawn of commerce, or the moment you clicked “Buy Now,” whichever came first.

1. General Principle: The Gombeeni Guarantee

We at Gombeeni’s of Ballymagaleen take pride in our goods, our reputation, and our near-total aversion to paperwork. Nevertheless, in compliance with the laws of Ireland, the European Union, the United States, and certain celestial jurisdictions, we offer the following measured concessions.

All requests for returns or refunds must be made in good faith and in full possession of one’s faculties. Abuse of this policy may result in your name being placed on the Ballymagaleen Index of Tiresome Persons (kept in triplicate and read aloud at Dooley’s).

2. Eligibility for Return

You may return any unopened, unused, and unmiraculous item within 30 calendar days of delivery.
Returns must be accompanied by proof of purchase, a brief confession of fault, and, ideally, the original packaging (or at least an explanation for its absence).

The following are not eligible for return or refund:

Perishables (sausages, poitín, dairy, gossip);
Custom or personalised items (including anything engraved, blessed, or cursed);
Digital downloads or virtual relics;
Goods damaged by fire, flood, theological dispute, or your own incompetence.

3. Procedure for Returns

Notify us at returns@ballymagaleen.shop